Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
