"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's just like the Real World with babies
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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