Sry I called you an 8
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
