jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
