He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
