I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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