You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
