he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
