I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
