1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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