R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
