I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
