i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
