my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
