Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
