I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
