He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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