Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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