You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
