Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
