are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
