3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
