He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
