Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
