anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
