it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize