peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
