Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
