I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
