If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
