Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
