You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
be right there i have to get my cape
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
