Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
