YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
