So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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