I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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