I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
