We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
