I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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