you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
