Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
