Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
