I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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