i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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