im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
