If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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