my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
