Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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