How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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