my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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